So last night the dog woke me up every three hours or so because he’s on tablets that make him pee. It meant that between 3 and 6, I couldn’t sleep because I knew he would need to pee again. I don’t mind doing this because I don’t have anything on anyway, but this morning I found something I’d written in my sleep-deprived state…I think I was trying to formulate a spoof magazine article about how to “snare” a boyfriend. If you’ve ever read a woman’s magazine, you’ll know the kind of articles I’m talking about. Anyway, here’s what I wrote:
Hide in a postbox. When a man posts a letter, look at his hands (you may need a torch to do this). Hands are important, as they will be used to carry your future children and build sheds. When you see a hand that you like, grab it and NEVER LET GO.
You can also do the same thing with bins, which has some advantages and disadvantages:
1) You will see his face (also important as your future children might look like him), but you will smell like a bin.
2) Instead of just grabbing his hand, you can leap at him like a facehugger from Alien and NEVER LET GO.
And this was added at the end:
Go into the forest. Cook sausages. The men will come.