Nootopia

Samuel L Jackson - Human-Character Hybrid

I watched him play a badass in Pulp Fiction, I watched him play a badass in Snakes on a Plane, and I watched him being totally badass before a slightly more badass shark ate him in Deep Blue Sea (apparently the only thing in existence that can stop a Samuel L Jackson).  He is essentially a ball of “Just look at me the wrong way, motherfucker, just try it.  I dare you.” This is fine.  It draws in the cinema goers, and it makes us laugh when he intimidates/kills/shouts at another character.  He plays the same guy in most of his movies, and that’s also fine.  What kind of concerns me - and it’s just a tiny thing - is that he may actually be like that in real life.  He isn’t acting.  He is that slightly unhinged badass who is only one smart quip away from drop-kicking someone in the face.  He is that guy who hates snakes on planes.  

How did I come to this shocking conclusion? I realised he had Twitter.

I understand the flaws when it comes to famous people and Twitter.  Your expectations are often shattered by said person either shamelessly promoting themselves like a cheap whore (Guys, you don’t have to.  We’re clearly fans if we follow you.  Relax.), replying to an endless stream of mundane Tweets from fans, or by just being god damn boring.  It’s sad when the sleek velvet curtain of mysteriousness drops, and instead of smoking a Cuban cigar and lounging on a classy love seat, your idol is ramming bananas up their nose, screaming “LOOK AT ME, AM I LOVED YET?!” But I was not disappointed with Samuel L Jackson’s Tweets (I can’t bring myself to shorten his name.  It doesn’t feel right.), and here’s why:

1) I Have No Idea What He is Talking About

Here’s an example tweet from the 26th of March:

TIGA TIGA GOLFINFUQQINWOODS YALL! Dry spell’s OVA!!

This one I can vaguely understand.  I presume he’s talking about Tiger Woods, but I don’t understand what GOLFINFUQQIN is.  Golfing fucking? Tiger Woods fucks golf balls? Actually, I take it back.  That does make perfect sense.  But this next tweet…I‘m not so sure about this one:

HAPPY st PADDY’S tomorrow MUGHPHUGHKUGHZZ!!! Drink responsibly!! Hahahahahahahaha! 

I’m not sure whether he wants me to drink responsibly, or whether he’s mocking people who do drink responsibly.  I’m guessing it’s the second one, because I can’t imagine Samuel L Jackson applauding someone who goes to a St Patricks party, only to announce they’re a tee-totaller.  He’d be the guy saying something like “WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” (I do not write dialogue for Mr Jackson)

And the MUGHPHUGHKUGHZZ!!! It’s okay Samuel (I did it, I didn’t type his whole name), you can type motherfucker on Twitter.  In fact, I encourage you to do so.  It doesn’t feel right if you don’t say motherfucker.  It’s like Charlie Sheen not saying something ridiculous.  It’s a part of you.  Embrace it, Samuel.  

2) He is possibly a schizophrenic (or someone else sometimes takes control of his Twitter)

Don’t get me wrong, I think Samuel L Jackson seems like a pretty smart guy.  What I don’t get is how he switches from tweets filled with MUTHAFUIWQU to lessons in grammatical correctness.  In a (presumed) twitter smack down between a troll and the man himself, he says:

Muthafukkas that don’t know the difference between your & you’re are ignorant.  I’m opinionated! (13th Feb)

And then only three days previous to this:

3Ding a JedI MAHPFAUCCAUHS’ first appearance tomorrow.  Re-release of Episode I! Mace Windu n da howze!  

Where did the your/you’re stickleback go? Where did the man of learning disappear to? This leads me to believe that Samuel L Jackson’s state of mind is not stable.  One minute he corrects you on your grammar, the next he is screaming “MUTHAFUQCKAS” while brandishing his purple lightsaber at anyone who looks at him funny.  

3) The Twitter is only the beginning

I concede that Twitter may be an unfair way to judge someone.  My own Twitter mainly consists of me describing mundane things and hash tagging it #thug life.  For example:

Getting a sweet buzz from my Vaporub #thug life 

It’s not funny.  It’s not cool.  Yet I type it anyway.  Why? Because modern media culture revolves around the idea that everything we do and say deserves a pedestal.  Any shitstain on the face of the Earth can make a social networking account and bleat and blab and puke out any old thing that comes into their head, and occasionally it will get them some undeserved attention.  But I digress…What I am trying to say is that I can’t fairly judge Samuel L Jackson by reading his Twitter page.  I need to go deeper.  I need to do some real investigative journalism and really see and feel the real Samuel L Jackson, without getting a restraining order.  

Here are my results: 

http://youtu.be/Zy0BLDtqMAQ 

Yup, he’s insane.